25.1.04

Please Do Disturb

I like being disturbed. That probably sounds a little odd. Let me start with movies. I like movies that are disturbing. Not in the sense of being disturbing because of to much gore, or to much violence, or to much hatred (though I don't automatically dislike those things, I usually don't enjoy them so much), but the more subtle kind of disturbing. Like Arlington Road, or Training Day, or American History X.

When something disturbs me it gets me thinking. It is usually disturbing because I am presented with something that does not jive with the way I think the world should be. It's like a key that just doesn't quite fit the lock, but you are positive that it should. The simplest form of this is just when the good guy loses. I expect, rationally and rightly in my mind, things to work out a certain way, and when it doesn't, it is disturbing. You know, they catch the bomber, cops are all good people, and racism isn't a big problem in our country today. Yeah, right. I can get my picture of the world reshaped by movies or by news. And maybe thats why I like being disturbed, because so much of life is disturbing. It seems a morbid idea so far, and unfortunately, in my case, it has been. I like learning and I like finding out I'm wrong. I have been a skier since I was 4, and my dad used to always say that if you don't fall your not learning. Maybe that's where I get it from, I don't know. Usually though, in the past, when I have found out I was wrong, it was usually that I thought to good of the world. It has led me to be somewhat of a cynic. Isn't it better to think worse and find out better, you know, be pleasantly surprised? Its a little off the point, but I have found the answer to that is no.

It was actually a movie that got me thinking about this, The Exorcist. I have to do a film review on it for my witchcraft/occult class. It is a disturbing movie. The child is healed in the end, sure, but two priest's are dead. Your not really sure if all is right with the world. It gets you thinking.

I said I like it because I find so much of life disturbing; and I didn't mean it completely in a bad way. I find it disturbing that there is a God who loves me. That I was born into a good family in a first world country. That I have never had to pray for my daily bread with any sense of actual need. I find Christianity to be most profoundly disturbing. I imagine the apostles, when Jesus was crucified, being severly disturbed. I imagine them on Sunday being even more so. I am sure that if I had been around for those two things, experienced in a sequence over a period of days, I would have found them to be much more disturbing than they ever have been to me in actuality, because I knew the whole story without any delay. What I find most disturbing, and I wonder what the disciples thought of this, is this: Jesus rose from the dead and his resurrection was proclaimed as a defeat of death and evil, and yet, on monday morning Evil still roamed the land. It still does today.

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