Day to day stuff
School starts next week, and I am excited. I have never had such a long break between fall and winter semesters before; 4 full weeks. I would say that I haven't known what to do with myself, but I would be lying. The time off has been great, Kristina and I were able to see both our families; I hadn't been home for nearly 1.5 years (though I had seen my parents). Then I got 2 weeks to sit around, play games, read books, and get a head start on some of my classes.
Still, I am ready to be back in school.
Our bible study started back up today. I love our group; its full of a great people, and were doing a fairly interesting video/book series (I quite often find canned bible studies to be... not so good, so its a nice change). Its got me thinking too, which will likely be the subject of another post.
Signs of the TimesWere losing the message; or the ability to hear one anyway. No message in particular, just message. Either that, or pointlessness makes more money.
H.G. Wells "War of the Worlds" is a class novel, a science fiction suspense which uses dread to produce a feeling of hopelessness and a commentary on mans false confidence and pride in himself. We turned it into a movie which might was little more than one big holocaust scene; there isn't enough character development to induce dread, and there are far too many Cruise heroics, and not enough time, to gain anything near hopelessnes; finish it off with a nonsensical hollywood ending and ta-da Blockbuster!
You may think that missing this particular message is inevatible in a book to movie conversion; perhaps, but consider this.
King Kong, originally an epic movie about who the real monsters were (us, humans, just in case you didn't know) has been turned into a 3 hour action flick with so many monsters, such a terrible ending line, and so little coherence, that all you can do at the end is applaud the tenseness it produced, and maybe the graphics; lest you realize that another eighth of a day was subjected to pointless, and mindless, entertainment. Need I say it? Another blockbuster.
Certainly not all movies, or media, are pointless. Nevertheless, think about it.
The Soft Glow of MonstrosityTV scares me. I am not some luddite, and I am not about to bemoan the poor moral guidelines governing, and presented, by/on TV. No, television scares me because I enjoy it so much.
I am a person with a ‘low entertainment threshold.” That’s a term I think I made up, and it means that I am easily entertained; I am not incapable of criticism, and I do have a limit, but in general I can watch pretty bad shows and still enjoy myself. Frankly though, I have no time to watch bad shows.
“Of course he has no time, he is married and in seminary”
Unfortunately, it’s not what you think, not at all. I have no time to watch bad shows because there are so many good shows to watch, and watch them I do. This is exactly why TV scares me; it seems to be getting better and better at entertaining me. It used to be that I had to struggle to find something to watch. I enjoyed Star Trek (before Deep Space Nine), I liked movies, and like every one else on this planet I watched the occasional episode of Simpsons. Its not that there was nothing else on; I just didn’t really get into any of it. Now I am inundated with the number of shows I enjoy, and this doesn’t even get into Japanese Anime.
This was, after all, the goal right? We seek entertainment, leisure, the ultimate individualization; I can do/eat/watch/have what I want, when I want it, and how I want it. The commodification of all things marches on, and I am a happy consumer.
Yet there is a growing awareness, a shadow spreading from the nether regions of my mind, and it whispers to me in those moments before sleep. It whispers that I am being consumed, eaten away and replaced by pulp, or by cool whip. I am shown flashes of a different life that I can almost want, almost see, and I am left to wonder. Words from Neil Postman fade in and out: “
Am.s.ng o.rse.ves to de.th."And amidst it all I have to think. Millions of dollars are spent on research, on advertisement, on supermarket layout, color schemes, and the right music to play, the effects of various input on human decision making, and it works. How much am I being controlled, and who might I be apart from TV?
The Path from Lament to Praise"The route from obedience to praise in the psalter is only through lament"
One of the classes I am in is Old Testament Foundations, and this week we did "Songs of Exile: Psalms, Lamentations, and Song of Songs". I found this to be a very comforting and freeing lecture.
The most common type of psalm in the psalter is a song of lament, however all but one of them has moved to praise by time they are finished. Indeed, the entire book of Psalms, in a rough way, is organized to move from Lament to Praise, beggining in and encompassed by obedience. The whole process culminates in the last Psalms in the book, which are the most extravagent songs of praise in the bible.
In my own life, I have found that having faith in Christ and a relationship with God has often led me into a time of lament. Its not a uniform thing; and no I don't view God as some angry God bearing down on me. I lament over the state of the church, the lostness of the world, the delirious tragedy which is our world. Certainly, there are times of Joy, and I am very thankful for all the good things God has given me; I can hardly claim to have had a hard life, compared to my fellow canadians, not to mention anyone not living in a first world country. Yet, I am moved by compassion, and often at the edge of despair because of my inability to do anything about the awful things around me. Meanwhile, I have felt faintly guilty about these feelings and thoughts; after all, Jesus has died for our salvation, and he is returning to take us to our heavenly home.
Now I see that though we are to take joy in all things, that doesn't have to be some immediate response, I can and should live through my lament, crying out to God to do something, so that I can come to an honest place of praise and be strengthened to cotinue to live in obedience. I can't honestly see how it works, there just are not 3 steps from lament to praise, and if you read the psalms it is all rather sudden, but I can testify from experience that it really can work this way; of course it can be a much longer and more painful process as well. No matter what though, God is who we can turn to with our cries, and not only can we but we must.
If you couldn't cry out to God about injustice, pain, suffering, and evil then how long would it be before no one cried out at all?
Many people have mentioned recently that "I don't update my Blog anymore." It's true, I don't, but I will now.
I've been a long time gone, and I honestly didn't think I would come back again; maybe I still won't. But this can be an introductory post to the possible return of Me, TheLogo.
My last post was in may, and much has happened since then. During our last months in Korea Kristina and I went to China (which was awesome), finished our year of teaching, went to Hawaii on the way home (very relaxing), moved into a new place here in Coquitlam, Kristina is working and I am nearly finished my first semester of Seminary.
Coming home was in a lot of ways harder than leaving, though it was also better. Culture shock was much more pronounced, as was the difficulty Kristina and I had adjusting to different 'working' hours. Thats pretty much all done now though.
Thats the short of things, I honestly don't want to fill in all the details, but feel free to ask any questions you want to.
As a sidenote, seminary is going very well; I love it. I have had lots to think about this semester, and I am sure that will continue, perhaps it will even come out on this blog if I really do start updating again. As an example, and a area of debate if anyone wants to have a go at it, I am now fairly convinced that it is ok to ordain women.
This has been a hopelessly self-referential post, a typical "i'm back" from a long absence post, but maybe I will do other stuff soon.
The Soundtrack of my Life
I love music. It's beautiful. I really do just love music, pretty much all kinds. I used to say I like everything but rap and opera... then I found some rap I liked, and it wasn't too long after that when I began to find myself enjoying the occasional Opera track as well. Now I just like music.
My taste in music doesn't run along the easy lines of genre, artist, or type. Instead it runs with emotional connection. I have watched a lot of shows in my life, and one of the ways you can tell wether or not I like a show, if I really connect with it or feel touched by it, is if I get the music for it. This isn't a perfect method to gauge the effect of any given video input on me, as it also requires that the show has good enough music to listen to without the accompanying video, which isn't as common as you might hope for, but its a good guideline. Its one of the reasons I love anime so much, at least some of them, and I know I enjoy shows more if they have good music.
When I listen to music with the purpose of listening to music, not just cause I can or as background noise, I really get into it. First I think of where it came from, usually I can remember specific scenes and/or lines. It doesn't take long for the emotions to fill my mind, and after that it's only a matter of time before I am daydreaming my own scenario's, all the while the original's play as a guide line in the back of my mind.
My too favorite times to do this are when I am walking, usually listening to music that has to do with the 'harder' emotions: anger, determination, fighting, victory, prevailing over the odds, etc. etc. Or late at night when I can't sleep yet; reflection, loneliness, contentment, solitude, sadness, etc.
Right now I am listening to the music from the first OVA for Ruroni Kenshin, a very sad, and very good, anime.
I don't know why you would care about any of this, but there it is.
Dreams of Sacrifice, Sacrifice of DreamsI often have trouble with bible verses like "Don't worry about tomorrow" or with the general idea that God will provide for us. Its not that I don't believe these things, I do, but its hard to really put my faith there, to act like it, to trust and to leave my life in that terribly uncertain place that follows. I suppose that in reality it isn't an uncertain place at all. But no matter what is said, by me or others, it is one of the most difficult areas of my life and Christian faith.
There's always something; I need to have a secure future and thus ignore my calling and take the wrong stuff for a semester of university. I know the experience has been turned to good in the end, I praise the Lord for that. But the worries don't go away, or they haven't yet.
I remember worrying so much about financial stuff before my marriage. My wife had trouble finding a job, and I definitely didn't have any money, already being incredibly blessed to graduate without debt. After hours of agonizing and worrying, much prayer, I allowed my future to rest in God's hands, and I ended up in Korea, where, truth be told, God has blessed us more than we could ever deserve or expect.
Now, tonight, I sit here, once again, worrying about my future. Slowly I am getting better at trusting, and leaving things in God's hands, or I like to think so, but it's still not easy. Now I am worrying about how I am going to do all the things I want to do in my life. I want to go through seminary and get two masters, be a pastor, a father of a large (by today's standards) family, I want to write, eventually get a PhD, become a professor, and who knows, I have dreamed of someday founding a seminary somewhere, or being part of a new seminary, maybe in S. America.
But these are not plans for me to make, I know this. I know, I should know, that the Lord has a fulfilling and wonderful life for me; full of wonder and joy and pain and hardship. These things too will have to be left in God's hands, to live or die as he chooses. But now is the crunch of the issue: these are not my finances, as hard as they were to give up, and this is not my security, as much as I hated to see that go. These are my dreams. I guess all the other things were little dreams too, and they have been returned to me much better than I gave them up. As usual, I know all the words, but for them to penetrate to my heart, to my life, I will probably need many nights of agonizing and worry, and much prayer.
And you know what? Other than deepening my faith in God, I think I am learning something else too. Maybe its supposed to be this way. I have often pretended it was easy; or pretended this process was already done. Like I said, I know the words, and don't they just slip so easily out of my lips? Like silken cloth sliding over my decietful tongue, ready to inadequately cover up the realities of my doubt with their sheer and misty seductiveness. Its not supposed to be easy... dealing with it like this makes it real. The hours given provide these dreams with substance, and perhaps through this they are becoming sacrifices half worthy of the glorious Creator of Heaven and Earth. Perhaps... one day soon...
