Cassandra's Questions Considered

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About a week ago I posted these questions. How would I answer them?

I think I need to start by saying that these are not questions to answer once and for all. Rather, they are questions to consider in the midst of our relationships. They are questions to come back to in order to help us think through how we ourselves might be contributing to a problem, especially a problem we thought we were trying to solve. Take a look at each of those questions; they all have that kind of situation in the background. When trying to love, we can cause our loved one to lose their own identity. When trying to control, usually in order to help, we really just make it easier for the other person to be week. In allowing dependence, which we may do in order to hold another up, we hurt. And so on. So, these are not really questions without context. The implied context is a relationship in which one party, in trying to help, is actually hurting. I think the (slight) exception is the last questions, but I will come to that.

How does love trigger the disintegration of the loved one?
- This questions points us to a problem which can come about when we mistake love for a vague sort of 'closeness', or redefine intimacy as correspondence and resemblance. Loving someone does not mean they cease to be their own person, but if we take love to mean this then either the love will end or one person's identity will disintegrate; that is, literally lose its integrity and cease to hold together.

How do efforts to control another become an adaptation to the other's weakness?
- I can't help thinking about Hannah in this question. Babies don't let us do this, but the easiest way to 'control' her would be, for example, to never let her learn how to walk. She would be much easier to 'control' if she lacked mobility. There are a lot of mistakes in that assumption (even when babies can't move, they are a handful for instance. Also, what kind of control would that really be, and so on), and it would be wrong to act that way (obviously). But, how often do we do something analogous as adults? Rather than give people freedom, and thus also create the chance for failure, we 'control' them by allowing them to stay where they are, and do whatever we need to for them to keep them there.

Why does dependency kill?
- Because eventually that which you are depending on will fail, and then what are you going to do? The exception, I believe, is God. But, even there, God does not allow us to depend on Him in such a way that we do not ourselves grow and gain strength.

How does rigidity in one person create self-doubt in another?
- If 'he' is so sure, then why am I not? What's wrong with me? Why does nobody else ever ask any questions? How can they be so sure? OR They are so sure of themselves, why? And when no ground is found for that certainty, then the questions flow.
- We shift from that kind of rigidity (that of certainty in belief/choice/action/whatever) to rigidity in terms of inflexibility then the process is very similar, but may begin with restrictions instead of surety.

Why is it the nature of craziness to drive those who try to understand it in others crazy?
- gonna skip this one

How does support weaken? or challenge become a form of caring?
- When someone needs to 'grow up' so to speak.

When does responsibility for others become irresponsible?
- When our taking responsibility prevents them from growing in their own ability to do the same.

How do words lose their power then they are used to overpower?
- Another post I think.

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